I never knew that there was an ammunition shortage because I long ago quit shooting expensive bullets at paper targets, or cans, or at empty beer bottles. Well, usually I don’t, it depends on how much I’ve had to drink. But the fact is, over my sixty-plus years I’ve collected enough shot shells, bullets, and BBs that I just didn’t think I’d ever need any more.
Then my nephews came for a visit and they left me with a seriously depleted stock. I still didn’t care. But then one day I figured I’d go get a hundred rounds of .22 bullets. You know, those little 2 cent things that you can buy bricks of 500 for $9.99?
Nope. Not anymore. I went to every on-line distributor and they had SOLD OUT on every block. I went to Wal-Mart and was told I needed to get in line at 7:00AM and wait my turn and maybe if I was lucky I could buy a box. Nope, not me. I went to Bass Pro Shop, (Surely they would have .22 rounds, I mean, come on!) but they told me the same thing. What were people doing with them? Sprinkling them on their cereal?
I asked one of my students and he told me that people were stock-piling them against the coming Armageddon. Really? .22s? I lapsed into disbelief surrounded by holiday cheer and spirits. Lots of spirits. Here it is 2014 and I am still no closer to buying any .22 rounds, and now I’m wondering what the hell is wrong with so many fundamentally normal people that they would be stupid enough to hoard little .22 rounds for the coming battle against the… what? The devil? The anti-Christ? Democrats? Republicans? Incumbents? Big Business? (No, clearly buying all that ammunition is good for big business…) I don’t have a clue, so I went back to that aforementioned student and asked him.
“Do you have a lot of bullets?”
“Sure, thousands of rounds for each gun I own.”
“What do you do with all the bullets?”
“I keep them in my safe. Or rather, in one of my safes.”
“Why?” I asked.
“So people won’t steal them. I keep all my guns in my safes too, except for the two or three I carry and have stashed in my car and around the house.”
“Do people know about all the bullets you have?”
“Some people do. I just told you.”
“Do people know about all the guns you have and carry?”
“I guess some people do. I just told…”
“Yeah, I got that. So if people know all about the bullets and all the guns… Why do you need a safe?”
“Never mind.” I said.
My biggest problem is that I have actually survived alone on my wits, a knife, a shotgun, and a tarp for several months up in the high country in Colorado. I just wanted to know if I could do it. I was smart enough to know that a .410 shotgun loaded with number 6 shot will bring down a grouse or a rabbit. I also knew I could put a slug into the breach and kill a mountain lion or a deer. Same would be true for some 000 size buck-shot. A shotgun is an extremely versatile weapon, one that can be used easily to put food on the table and help defend the house.
I once had a room-mate that bought a tiny .380 pistol and a thousand rounds of ammo for the coming Armageddon. Back then I just thought he was a fucking idiot. I asked him if he had ever heard of a shotgun.
“You can’t really conceal a shotgun.”
“Who cares?” I asked.
“Well you don’t want to get arrested by the police.”
“During Armageddon? You’re worried about police and concealed weapons during Armageddon?”
“Dan, you just don’t understand.”
See? The other big problem I have with all these thousands of rounds of stockpiled ammo is the mere fact that in every gunfight I have been involved in, there were rarely more than a few shots exchanged unless it was a major offensive or an ambush with a large force of enemy combatants. Most gunfights don’t last very long. You would really have to be entrenched in order to shoot more than an extended magazine.
So, why stockpile thousands of rounds?
Fear? Okay, I can think about that at least. I’m afraid of a few things. I’m afraid for my health care. My doctor just told me he won’t see me anymore. Boy does that suck; I’ve been dating him for 25 years. (Sorry, that’s a prostate joke. Just you wait.) Thanks, Obama. My health care cost just went way up. Thanks, Obama. My grandchildren’s future is bleak because of the ridiculous financial burden placed on the American people by… Obama. I can’t buy any ammo since… Obama. I’m sensing a pattern here.
Okay, people are afraid of the future. I get that. People are unemployed or underemployed. People have lost their homes. People are seeing the American dream dissipate before their very eyes. But… Armageddon?
Isn’t that a bit much, folks? And wouldn’t all that ammo money go a long way if you’re worried about food and housing? I think we are at least a few decades away from Armageddon and by then the use-by date on most of that ammo will have expired. Sheesh…
What else? Phil Everly died. Bad day for music. Auburn lost, bad day for Alabama. Planes crash, just plain bad. The world (despite all the hopes of global warming advocate ass-monkeys) is sunk in a deep freeze and old people are burning their furniture to stay warm. Thank God I have a house in Florida.
Brother, can you spare a .22?
Jan 7, 2014